I Do Not Understand This New World Where Everything I Want is OK

I am used to the world of can’t,

where it’s all constriction,

restriction,

limitation,

degradation,

and maybe, someday (but not, really, ever).

 

Never allowing myself to Want

because fulfillment never comes.

 

I understand the world where I am not enough,

no matter what I do,

not good enough,

not smart enough,

not thin enough,

not rich enough,

not fun enough to enjoy.

 

I understand the struggle

for self worth,

for reason,

for understanding,

for love.

 

Yes, this,

this I understand.

 

But this new world I find myself in?

 

Where love is the sunshine

that illuminates the land,

and smiles grow like wildflowers,

and where a quiet joy

bubbles just under the surface of always?

 

I am unsure of my steps

in this landscape

where pleasure is connected to the Divine,

and Joy is treasured.

 

Where actions flow without struggle

and all timing is perfect.

 

Where the size of my smiles,

and the gauge of my giggles,

and my saucy hips wiggle wiggles,

are all measured by my willingness

to Want.

 

This I do know: unfamiliar or not – I am never going back.

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